Doña Tomás - 5004 Telegraph Ave

Our project was horribly stalled for several months due to a variety of circumstances, including a bizarrely busy summer packed with travel and a studied avoidance of the next place on our list - a mediocre pizza joint followed by a fried fish joint.

We'd already had our fill of disgusting fried fish at Louisiana Fish & Chips, and even thinking about this place just made us wince. So sorry, other fish place - LFC ruined us.

After realizing that we'd put the project on hold for waaaay too long because we were both so unmotivated to eat crappy food, we broke our own rule and skipped those two places that were the barrier between us and Doña Tomás. And so it is that we finally got to Doña Tomás, which my Parter in Chow has enjoyed on a previous occasion and I've been to so many times I've lost count.

In a nutshell: we both love Doña Tomás. They have awesome drinks and absolutely the best carnitas you will ever have, hands down. And I own the cookbook, so paying $4 for camote (sweet potatoes) isn't something I absolutely have to do. But oh, they're just so good at the actual restaurant. And you can get them for like a buck cheaper at their sister taqueria Tacubaya, which is also awesome but nowhere near Telegraph Avenue and, therefore, a review for another time.

Reviews on Yelp will complain about the pricing. I don't mind the pricing much - sure, I wish it was cheaper. I also wish that the Patriot Act never happened and that the San Mateo bridge didn't have a backup every freaking day. But their ingredients are mostly organic and locally sourced, and I doubt their rent is cheap in spite of the occasional Lady of the Night that might liven up the "transitional" Temescal neighborhood in the evening hours.

My guess is that so many people have experience with Mexican street food and taquerias that the concept of fancy, expensive Mexican food annoys them. They feel entitled to a burrito the size of a hubcap for $3. This however is Oaxacan food, and it's high-end dining at that. So stop complaining and realize that the crappy pizza from the place we skipped isn't Dopo or Pizzaiolo either. And if you really want to save money, just skip the drinks. (But that'd be a shame, because there's no crappy tequila and the lime juice is fresh.)

What we've ordered: carnitas (amazing), carne asada (great), various fish dishes, margaritas, tequila lemonade (PIC's favorite), chile rellenos with various fillings, pozole (great), halibut cheeks (awesome)
Other things on the plate: camote, vegetable pudding (these are always delicious), beans, rice, grilled corn (mmm)
Service: local hipsters, mostly nice but occasionally hurried
Atmo: Sparse, vaguely Mexican hacienda - wood floors, rough-hewn chairs and tables in the front room. Bar is painted all red but is just as loud and smells like a Jamba Juice due to all the fresh squeezing of citrus. Back patio is awesome in the summer.
Crowd: the hills come down and the 'hood comes in - it's laid back, loud and diverse
Spent: generally spend around $80+ with 2 people, including drinks
Overall rating: 4.5 silver sporks

With all the gushing you'd think the big DT would get 5 sporks. But occasionally, there's something ordered that's just kinda blah. It's usually an appetizer, but still - $12 for blah feels like a bummer. Most recently it was a pumpkin quesadilla with goat cheese - something about the goat cheese and the squash just didn't work. The short ribs were also just OK, and kinda small. However, the other appetizer (recommended by the waitress) was unexpectedly fantastic. I don't even remember what it was, but damn - it was good.

The big standouts on the menu for me: carnitas, camote, whatever vegetable pudding they're making. That last one is filled with butter and cream and is most decidedly not good for you, but it is just delicious.

The pozole is fantastic, and especially so if you're sick. Mmm.

One thing to try: a $15 shot of Paradiso. Yes, it's really $15. No, you don't shoot it. You sip it after a meal the way you'd sip a fine port or brandy. And yes - it's worth it. A friend calls this stuff "liquid heroin," and if you're celebrating it's worth trying once.

The back patio in the summer is great, though I once saw a rat the size of the burritos people expect for $3 climbing up the wall of ivy. Since rats are all over Oakland and live in ivy and trees, this didn't bother me too much. He kept to himself and didn't run over to steal my food, which made me happy.

So, to sum up: eat here. Be prepared to spend more than you've ever spent on Mexican food unless you've eaten at Rick Bayless' restaurants. And enjoy.

Pico Paco taqueria - 4911 Telegraph Ave

Pico Paco is a hole-in-the-wall next to New HoHo's Chinese, and the fact that I'm someone who grew up in L.A. eating with a Partner-in-Chow who lived in San Diego means that we're awfully picky about Mexican food. Things like good salsa (me) and horchata (PIC - I hate horchata and think it tastes like bubble gum milk laced with cinnamon) are important to us, and good chile verde is something that I personally take seriously at any Mexican foodslinger - whether it's a taco truck or Sonora Cafe.

Pico Paco started off on the wrong foot when the gal at the counter told me that they hadn't made chile verde that day. Dammit. My go-to order when reviewing a taqueria is: one carne asada taco, on chile verde taco, one chicken taco.

PIC is also very particular about her Mexican food order. This is what she wants in her burrito at any truck, taqueria or any place that isn't a high-end foodie joint:

Beans (preferably refried, whole pintos are a second choice, black beans come in third)
Rice
Sour Cream
Cheese
Jalapenos

That's it. No, really. No, don't put any salsa in it - she hates cilantro. Occasionally some lettuce will join the lineup, but God forbid someone gets creative and throws in anything that involves cilantro or tomatoes in any way. Yes, that includes guac - just stick with the 5 ingredients and nobody gets hurt.

What we ordered: The PIC Burrito (with refried beans), 1 carne asada taco, 2 chicken tacos - one braised, one roasted, a side of whole pinto beans, horchata, beer, bottled water
Service: friendly enough
Atmo: hole-in-the-wall perhaps not-so-clean taqueria with a blessed lack of the usual awful fluorescent lighting.
Crowd: A regular walked in while we were there, but it was the off-hours. This is a neighborhood joint.
Spent: This place is pretty cheap - but not as cheap as taquerias in Mexican neighborhoods - tacos were around $2 and we spent around $20 including the drinks
Overall rating: 3.5 sporks

The PIC gave her burrito 4 sporks, but the meat quality of the carne asada had something to be desired so I'm only giving a 3 with the tacos.

The chicken tacos were both good - I preferred the roasted one. These tortillas are larger than the usual wee taqueria-type shells, which was fine. I prefer the smaller fresher ones, but if you're not making your own I'm already neutral as to your tortillas.

The salsa was just OK, which also merits the 3. The beans were beans - not much to say there.

The PIC burrito was, however, really good. It can be hard for certain establishments to balance the 5 meatless ingredients - sometimes this burrito arrives with way too much rice, or the cream is all glopped in one section, or all the ingredients are layered as though it were a dip so that it's a huge bite of cheese, then a huge bite of beans...

Pico Paco managed to balance this vegetarian burrito well - not too gloopy, and the beans had great flavor. The horchata was also quite good, according to my PIC, and I tried it to find that the usual Pepto-Bismol flavor was minimized. Not that I wanted to drink any more than a sip, but it wasn't completely awful.

Would we go back here? Yes - for the burrito. The reality is that with La Calaca Loca around the corner (organic meat and delicious tortilla soup, plus margaritas with soju) we'd probably pick up the PIC burrito here and then travel to 52nd to get me tacos or tortilla soup.

Off the Hook Seafood & Burritos - 2270 Telegraph Ave - 9.13.07

There is a bizarre phenomenon going on at the Oakland end of Telegraph, and that phenomenon is the seafood/burrito combination destination.

We don't understand why fried fish and burritos go together. Chinese food and donuts make sense - the deep fryers are on and ready to go. So fried fish and Chimichangas might make some logical sense, but tacos & burritos & fried fish? Bizarre.

Despite our fear that trying to focus on 2 styles of disparate street food might lead to disaster on both fronts, we bravely entered Off the Hook.

Now, in retrospect we should have ordered both fish and burritos. Unfortunately, I hate fried food and my Partner in Crime (PIC) wasn't in the mood for grease either. So this review will focus solely on the Mexican food.

What we ordered: 3 shredded beef crispy tacos, 1 chicken burrito with light rice
Service: polite, insular and lost in translation (the guy didn't speak much English; fortunately, I speak Spanish)
Atmo: depressingly fluorescent & sparsely linoleum
Crowd: local crackhead scene
Spent: $12.77
Overall rating: 2.5 sporks (-1 due to not being helped out by staff with the crackhead problem)

This end of Telegraph is pretty ghetto - and not in the ghetto fab kinda way. There are a lot of crackhead types hanging around and going to Off the Hook after dark led us to fear somewhat legitimately for our safety, as some dirty and addled jackass came in shortly after we did, said "This is a stickup" in a lameass attempt for attention, and then proceeded to hassle me to buy him dinner.

I ignored this guy and gave him my best "Fuck off" vibe, but he ignored my studious attempts to ignore him and kept interrupting my conversation with the order guy and continued to ask/demand that I buy him a burrito. I told him no, so he pointed out that a taco was cheaper. I finally became exasperated and - very obviously frustrated- told the guy that I was just trying to order dinner. He mumbled something indignant (and most likely insulting) and left.

I have to admit it: we felt racially and gender-profiled at this point. There were other patrons in the restaurant, but did Addled Asshole Guy ask anyone else for money? No, he didn't - just us. It seemed like he thought he could bully a couple of white girls into giving him money by scaring us. I hate this shit, and it's one of the things about Oakland that really bums me out. Oakland is a fantastic city with so much to offer, but this kind of ghetto-ass nonsense does rear its ugly head on all-too-frequent occasions.

I would have expected that the order-taker guy might have been more interested in protecting his patrons from being hassled by drugged-up street trash, but he's either just used to this crap or not interested in getting involved from behind his (bullet-proof?) glass. Note to owners of small businesses in "transitional" neighborhoods: if you want to improve the caliber of your patrons and encourage repeat business from folks who actually work for a living, you need to take an active role in protecting your patrons from being harassed. It's not my job as a consumer to enforce the "We reserve the right to refuse service" law - that's your job.

In any case, once we were left to peace we finally got our order in. It came within 10 minutes and we took it home to eat.

The first surprise was the tacos. They were HUGE! Three was too many - two tacos are more than enough food for one person, unless you're famished. The shredded beef was good and there was lots of it - it tasted like someone's mom made it for us. The only drawback was that the shells were so loaded with stewed beef that they fell apart, but the flavor was great and the sheer size of these things made up for it.

The chicken burrito was also good and ginormous, and it seemed that "light rice" afforded me extra chicken. This was an extra bonus, and the chicken itself was very tasty and, again, tasted like something that someone's Mexican grandma might make me.

We'd been looking for a really close 'hood place to get a quality and huge Mission-style burrito (the burrito place on Piedmont is really average and American-tasting), and this place fits the bill. We might back for the food if it was light out, except that there's a fairly new Mexican place that's also pretty cheap on 51st just off Telegraph. That place has sustainably-farmed meat and - in our experience - no addled homeless types hassling anyone for money.

If you want a big and super cheap Mission-style burrito and don't mind chancing an annoying run-in with a ne'er-do-well, this is the place for you.