Off the Hook Seafood & Burritos - 2270 Telegraph Ave - 9.13.07

There is a bizarre phenomenon going on at the Oakland end of Telegraph, and that phenomenon is the seafood/burrito combination destination.

We don't understand why fried fish and burritos go together. Chinese food and donuts make sense - the deep fryers are on and ready to go. So fried fish and Chimichangas might make some logical sense, but tacos & burritos & fried fish? Bizarre.

Despite our fear that trying to focus on 2 styles of disparate street food might lead to disaster on both fronts, we bravely entered Off the Hook.

Now, in retrospect we should have ordered both fish and burritos. Unfortunately, I hate fried food and my Partner in Crime (PIC) wasn't in the mood for grease either. So this review will focus solely on the Mexican food.

What we ordered: 3 shredded beef crispy tacos, 1 chicken burrito with light rice
Service: polite, insular and lost in translation (the guy didn't speak much English; fortunately, I speak Spanish)
Atmo: depressingly fluorescent & sparsely linoleum
Crowd: local crackhead scene
Spent: $12.77
Overall rating: 2.5 sporks (-1 due to not being helped out by staff with the crackhead problem)

This end of Telegraph is pretty ghetto - and not in the ghetto fab kinda way. There are a lot of crackhead types hanging around and going to Off the Hook after dark led us to fear somewhat legitimately for our safety, as some dirty and addled jackass came in shortly after we did, said "This is a stickup" in a lameass attempt for attention, and then proceeded to hassle me to buy him dinner.

I ignored this guy and gave him my best "Fuck off" vibe, but he ignored my studious attempts to ignore him and kept interrupting my conversation with the order guy and continued to ask/demand that I buy him a burrito. I told him no, so he pointed out that a taco was cheaper. I finally became exasperated and - very obviously frustrated- told the guy that I was just trying to order dinner. He mumbled something indignant (and most likely insulting) and left.

I have to admit it: we felt racially and gender-profiled at this point. There were other patrons in the restaurant, but did Addled Asshole Guy ask anyone else for money? No, he didn't - just us. It seemed like he thought he could bully a couple of white girls into giving him money by scaring us. I hate this shit, and it's one of the things about Oakland that really bums me out. Oakland is a fantastic city with so much to offer, but this kind of ghetto-ass nonsense does rear its ugly head on all-too-frequent occasions.

I would have expected that the order-taker guy might have been more interested in protecting his patrons from being hassled by drugged-up street trash, but he's either just used to this crap or not interested in getting involved from behind his (bullet-proof?) glass. Note to owners of small businesses in "transitional" neighborhoods: if you want to improve the caliber of your patrons and encourage repeat business from folks who actually work for a living, you need to take an active role in protecting your patrons from being harassed. It's not my job as a consumer to enforce the "We reserve the right to refuse service" law - that's your job.

In any case, once we were left to peace we finally got our order in. It came within 10 minutes and we took it home to eat.

The first surprise was the tacos. They were HUGE! Three was too many - two tacos are more than enough food for one person, unless you're famished. The shredded beef was good and there was lots of it - it tasted like someone's mom made it for us. The only drawback was that the shells were so loaded with stewed beef that they fell apart, but the flavor was great and the sheer size of these things made up for it.

The chicken burrito was also good and ginormous, and it seemed that "light rice" afforded me extra chicken. This was an extra bonus, and the chicken itself was very tasty and, again, tasted like something that someone's Mexican grandma might make me.

We'd been looking for a really close 'hood place to get a quality and huge Mission-style burrito (the burrito place on Piedmont is really average and American-tasting), and this place fits the bill. We might back for the food if it was light out, except that there's a fairly new Mexican place that's also pretty cheap on 51st just off Telegraph. That place has sustainably-farmed meat and - in our experience - no addled homeless types hassling anyone for money.

If you want a big and super cheap Mission-style burrito and don't mind chancing an annoying run-in with a ne'er-do-well, this is the place for you.