Lam-Toro - 2432 Telegraph Ave - 10.4.07

We were really intrigued when we realized that our next stop was a new West African restaurant on Telegraph.

My intrigue partially stemmed from the fact that I for some reason thought this was a sushi place. But when we walked in and saw a massive party of African folks (in full regalia - it was a birthday celebration) and the groovy dreadlocked waiter and realized that African music was playing, my uncanny grasp of the obvious led me to realize that Lam-Toro was not Japanese for Something-Fatty Tuna...

So, in we went to experience this new Telegraph haunt. I hear that it's recently been besieged by neighborhood hipsters who go in to drink and hang out after 10 or so, but the Mama Buzz crowd doesn't bother me. I have a Hulk Hogan t-shirt and Vans and I'm not afraid to wear either. (Both are recommended if you actually want service at Mama Buzz...)

But this isn't a Mama Buzz review, because it's not open for dinner (we tried) and we therefore skipped it. We may go back at some point and review it for breakfast (we've eaten there before). I will digress further to note that $10 punk rock haircut night on the first Sunday of the month at Mama Buzz kept me in cheap haircuts for several months, but I'm not sure if they're still doing that - it's under new ownership.

Anyway, back to Lam-Toro.

What we ordered: Roasted chicken with couscous, Lamb with rice, groovy ginger drinks (non-alcoholic)
Service: amazingly friendly and relaxed - our waiter was fantastic
Atmo: festive, fun and really loud (due to the aforementioned African b-day celebration)
Crowd: local African natives and their friends
Spent: $40.00
Overall rating: 3.5 sporks (an extra half spork for service and Atmo)

The best thing about this place may be the service. Our waiter was super nice, explained everything and genuinely wanted us to enjoy ourselves. He apologized for the noise level of the party (this place is small), but we liked the party and had fun watching them dance around the restaurant and clap/sing.

He also told us that our next visit was on the house, because we ordered a special that had been exhausted by the party. We didn't have the heart to tell him that we're working our way down Telegraph and that it may be a damn long time before we return...

The food was interesting, but the meat was a bit dry. The lamb in particular was really dry, and not being familiar with African food we're not sure if this is an African preparation or whether it was just overcooked. We'll probably become more familiar with African food as we work our way down Telegraph.

The chicken was a big hunk o'chicken with bones and all, and somehow this roasted chicken tasted - I swear - like KFC. I suppose it was something about the spice rub, but this chicken was legitimately good and the KFC hints (without all the fat) made it that much better. I'd eat this chicken again; we wouldn't however eat the lamb again.

Like Off the Hook, the food tasted and looked like someone's native grandmother was in the back making dinner for friends. I like this kind of "real" food, so we enjoyed that aspect of the meal.

Though the food wasn't spectacular we really enjoyed ourselves at Lam-Toro. We'd probably go back for a drink and to try a special. As soon as my Hulk Hogan T is out of the wash...

Off the Hook Seafood & Burritos - 2270 Telegraph Ave - 9.13.07

There is a bizarre phenomenon going on at the Oakland end of Telegraph, and that phenomenon is the seafood/burrito combination destination.

We don't understand why fried fish and burritos go together. Chinese food and donuts make sense - the deep fryers are on and ready to go. So fried fish and Chimichangas might make some logical sense, but tacos & burritos & fried fish? Bizarre.

Despite our fear that trying to focus on 2 styles of disparate street food might lead to disaster on both fronts, we bravely entered Off the Hook.

Now, in retrospect we should have ordered both fish and burritos. Unfortunately, I hate fried food and my Partner in Crime (PIC) wasn't in the mood for grease either. So this review will focus solely on the Mexican food.

What we ordered: 3 shredded beef crispy tacos, 1 chicken burrito with light rice
Service: polite, insular and lost in translation (the guy didn't speak much English; fortunately, I speak Spanish)
Atmo: depressingly fluorescent & sparsely linoleum
Crowd: local crackhead scene
Spent: $12.77
Overall rating: 2.5 sporks (-1 due to not being helped out by staff with the crackhead problem)

This end of Telegraph is pretty ghetto - and not in the ghetto fab kinda way. There are a lot of crackhead types hanging around and going to Off the Hook after dark led us to fear somewhat legitimately for our safety, as some dirty and addled jackass came in shortly after we did, said "This is a stickup" in a lameass attempt for attention, and then proceeded to hassle me to buy him dinner.

I ignored this guy and gave him my best "Fuck off" vibe, but he ignored my studious attempts to ignore him and kept interrupting my conversation with the order guy and continued to ask/demand that I buy him a burrito. I told him no, so he pointed out that a taco was cheaper. I finally became exasperated and - very obviously frustrated- told the guy that I was just trying to order dinner. He mumbled something indignant (and most likely insulting) and left.

I have to admit it: we felt racially and gender-profiled at this point. There were other patrons in the restaurant, but did Addled Asshole Guy ask anyone else for money? No, he didn't - just us. It seemed like he thought he could bully a couple of white girls into giving him money by scaring us. I hate this shit, and it's one of the things about Oakland that really bums me out. Oakland is a fantastic city with so much to offer, but this kind of ghetto-ass nonsense does rear its ugly head on all-too-frequent occasions.

I would have expected that the order-taker guy might have been more interested in protecting his patrons from being hassled by drugged-up street trash, but he's either just used to this crap or not interested in getting involved from behind his (bullet-proof?) glass. Note to owners of small businesses in "transitional" neighborhoods: if you want to improve the caliber of your patrons and encourage repeat business from folks who actually work for a living, you need to take an active role in protecting your patrons from being harassed. It's not my job as a consumer to enforce the "We reserve the right to refuse service" law - that's your job.

In any case, once we were left to peace we finally got our order in. It came within 10 minutes and we took it home to eat.

The first surprise was the tacos. They were HUGE! Three was too many - two tacos are more than enough food for one person, unless you're famished. The shredded beef was good and there was lots of it - it tasted like someone's mom made it for us. The only drawback was that the shells were so loaded with stewed beef that they fell apart, but the flavor was great and the sheer size of these things made up for it.

The chicken burrito was also good and ginormous, and it seemed that "light rice" afforded me extra chicken. This was an extra bonus, and the chicken itself was very tasty and, again, tasted like something that someone's Mexican grandma might make me.

We'd been looking for a really close 'hood place to get a quality and huge Mission-style burrito (the burrito place on Piedmont is really average and American-tasting), and this place fits the bill. We might back for the food if it was light out, except that there's a fairly new Mexican place that's also pretty cheap on 51st just off Telegraph. That place has sustainably-farmed meat and - in our experience - no addled homeless types hassling anyone for money.

If you want a big and super cheap Mission-style burrito and don't mind chancing an annoying run-in with a ne'er-do-well, this is the place for you.

Giant Burger - 2150 Telegraph Ave - 9.6.07

The project begins!

A trip to Telegraph and Broadway led us to The Bear Cafe as the most Oakland-pegged eating destination, but unfortunately this place was closed. Was it a gay bar for hairy men? Did it serve bear? We'll never know.

The next stop: Giant Burger. Now, I know we were going to avoid fast food, but Giant Burger is a bit of an institution and I'd never eaten at one, so we decided to give it a try.

As someone prone to eating organic whenever possible, I was slightly afeared of filling myself with what was most assuredly factory-farmed beef. However, in the interest of this project we'd already decided that our general adherence to sustainable produce and meat would have to be compromised.

So Giant Burger it was.

What we ordered: 1 bacon cheeseburger, 1 cheeseburger, large fries, chocolate shake
What we got: 2 cheeseburgers (oops - they forgot the bacon), enough fries for the whole block, chocolate shake
Service: distracted (our gal was on her cellphone arguing with someone)
Atmo: transient, industrial and automotive (it's a 50's style burger joint with a window and a parking lot - this is food to go)
Spent: $12.17
Overall rating: 3.5 sporks

Review:

Giant Burger surprised us both by being pretty darn good. This is the kind of burger you expect at a beach bbq - white buns, good lettuce, smoky flavor. While I wouldn't call the burgers "giant," the insane amount of fries that our gal poured into the bag (perhaps she was compensating for yelling at someone on her phone while she was taking my order?) was most certainly giant.

The fries turned out to be quite tasty. I'm guessing they're frozen, but they're a lot better than In 'n Out's weird soggy/squeaky fries. They're bigger than McD's fries, and mealier inside. They did need some salt to reach their true fry potential. No potato skin on these bad boys - just pure spudsy goodness.

The shake was insanely good, and I'd go back just for a chocolate shake.

Clearly this wasn't the healthiest meal in the world, but with a name like Giant Burger we weren't expecting to feel virtuous. So go ahead and order that shake, because the burger/fry/shake trifecta is really the best way to experience any burger joint.

All in all, Giant Burger is a good cheap way to get your burger on.

Bettter late than never...

We've been horribly lazy about posting our reviews - we've been having too much fun eating!

So, it's been 2 months, and we're up at Telegraph and 37th. Friends suspect that we may have accidentally skipped a Korean place on the corner of Macarthur and Telegraph, but we think they may be confusing Macarthur with West Grand. We'll have to investigate on our next outing...

So, at long last: onward to the reviews!

And don't forget to eat up, eat well.