Pico Paco taqueria - 4911 Telegraph Ave

Pico Paco is a hole-in-the-wall next to New HoHo's Chinese, and the fact that I'm someone who grew up in L.A. eating with a Partner-in-Chow who lived in San Diego means that we're awfully picky about Mexican food. Things like good salsa (me) and horchata (PIC - I hate horchata and think it tastes like bubble gum milk laced with cinnamon) are important to us, and good chile verde is something that I personally take seriously at any Mexican foodslinger - whether it's a taco truck or Sonora Cafe.

Pico Paco started off on the wrong foot when the gal at the counter told me that they hadn't made chile verde that day. Dammit. My go-to order when reviewing a taqueria is: one carne asada taco, on chile verde taco, one chicken taco.

PIC is also very particular about her Mexican food order. This is what she wants in her burrito at any truck, taqueria or any place that isn't a high-end foodie joint:

Beans (preferably refried, whole pintos are a second choice, black beans come in third)
Rice
Sour Cream
Cheese
Jalapenos

That's it. No, really. No, don't put any salsa in it - she hates cilantro. Occasionally some lettuce will join the lineup, but God forbid someone gets creative and throws in anything that involves cilantro or tomatoes in any way. Yes, that includes guac - just stick with the 5 ingredients and nobody gets hurt.

What we ordered: The PIC Burrito (with refried beans), 1 carne asada taco, 2 chicken tacos - one braised, one roasted, a side of whole pinto beans, horchata, beer, bottled water
Service: friendly enough
Atmo: hole-in-the-wall perhaps not-so-clean taqueria with a blessed lack of the usual awful fluorescent lighting.
Crowd: A regular walked in while we were there, but it was the off-hours. This is a neighborhood joint.
Spent: This place is pretty cheap - but not as cheap as taquerias in Mexican neighborhoods - tacos were around $2 and we spent around $20 including the drinks
Overall rating: 3.5 sporks

The PIC gave her burrito 4 sporks, but the meat quality of the carne asada had something to be desired so I'm only giving a 3 with the tacos.

The chicken tacos were both good - I preferred the roasted one. These tortillas are larger than the usual wee taqueria-type shells, which was fine. I prefer the smaller fresher ones, but if you're not making your own I'm already neutral as to your tortillas.

The salsa was just OK, which also merits the 3. The beans were beans - not much to say there.

The PIC burrito was, however, really good. It can be hard for certain establishments to balance the 5 meatless ingredients - sometimes this burrito arrives with way too much rice, or the cream is all glopped in one section, or all the ingredients are layered as though it were a dip so that it's a huge bite of cheese, then a huge bite of beans...

Pico Paco managed to balance this vegetarian burrito well - not too gloopy, and the beans had great flavor. The horchata was also quite good, according to my PIC, and I tried it to find that the usual Pepto-Bismol flavor was minimized. Not that I wanted to drink any more than a sip, but it wasn't completely awful.

Would we go back here? Yes - for the burrito. The reality is that with La Calaca Loca around the corner (organic meat and delicious tortilla soup, plus margaritas with soju) we'd probably pick up the PIC burrito here and then travel to 52nd to get me tacos or tortilla soup.

Off the Hook Seafood & Burritos - 2270 Telegraph Ave - 9.13.07

There is a bizarre phenomenon going on at the Oakland end of Telegraph, and that phenomenon is the seafood/burrito combination destination.

We don't understand why fried fish and burritos go together. Chinese food and donuts make sense - the deep fryers are on and ready to go. So fried fish and Chimichangas might make some logical sense, but tacos & burritos & fried fish? Bizarre.

Despite our fear that trying to focus on 2 styles of disparate street food might lead to disaster on both fronts, we bravely entered Off the Hook.

Now, in retrospect we should have ordered both fish and burritos. Unfortunately, I hate fried food and my Partner in Crime (PIC) wasn't in the mood for grease either. So this review will focus solely on the Mexican food.

What we ordered: 3 shredded beef crispy tacos, 1 chicken burrito with light rice
Service: polite, insular and lost in translation (the guy didn't speak much English; fortunately, I speak Spanish)
Atmo: depressingly fluorescent & sparsely linoleum
Crowd: local crackhead scene
Spent: $12.77
Overall rating: 2.5 sporks (-1 due to not being helped out by staff with the crackhead problem)

This end of Telegraph is pretty ghetto - and not in the ghetto fab kinda way. There are a lot of crackhead types hanging around and going to Off the Hook after dark led us to fear somewhat legitimately for our safety, as some dirty and addled jackass came in shortly after we did, said "This is a stickup" in a lameass attempt for attention, and then proceeded to hassle me to buy him dinner.

I ignored this guy and gave him my best "Fuck off" vibe, but he ignored my studious attempts to ignore him and kept interrupting my conversation with the order guy and continued to ask/demand that I buy him a burrito. I told him no, so he pointed out that a taco was cheaper. I finally became exasperated and - very obviously frustrated- told the guy that I was just trying to order dinner. He mumbled something indignant (and most likely insulting) and left.

I have to admit it: we felt racially and gender-profiled at this point. There were other patrons in the restaurant, but did Addled Asshole Guy ask anyone else for money? No, he didn't - just us. It seemed like he thought he could bully a couple of white girls into giving him money by scaring us. I hate this shit, and it's one of the things about Oakland that really bums me out. Oakland is a fantastic city with so much to offer, but this kind of ghetto-ass nonsense does rear its ugly head on all-too-frequent occasions.

I would have expected that the order-taker guy might have been more interested in protecting his patrons from being hassled by drugged-up street trash, but he's either just used to this crap or not interested in getting involved from behind his (bullet-proof?) glass. Note to owners of small businesses in "transitional" neighborhoods: if you want to improve the caliber of your patrons and encourage repeat business from folks who actually work for a living, you need to take an active role in protecting your patrons from being harassed. It's not my job as a consumer to enforce the "We reserve the right to refuse service" law - that's your job.

In any case, once we were left to peace we finally got our order in. It came within 10 minutes and we took it home to eat.

The first surprise was the tacos. They were HUGE! Three was too many - two tacos are more than enough food for one person, unless you're famished. The shredded beef was good and there was lots of it - it tasted like someone's mom made it for us. The only drawback was that the shells were so loaded with stewed beef that they fell apart, but the flavor was great and the sheer size of these things made up for it.

The chicken burrito was also good and ginormous, and it seemed that "light rice" afforded me extra chicken. This was an extra bonus, and the chicken itself was very tasty and, again, tasted like something that someone's Mexican grandma might make me.

We'd been looking for a really close 'hood place to get a quality and huge Mission-style burrito (the burrito place on Piedmont is really average and American-tasting), and this place fits the bill. We might back for the food if it was light out, except that there's a fairly new Mexican place that's also pretty cheap on 51st just off Telegraph. That place has sustainably-farmed meat and - in our experience - no addled homeless types hassling anyone for money.

If you want a big and super cheap Mission-style burrito and don't mind chancing an annoying run-in with a ne'er-do-well, this is the place for you.